The birthing experience was the single most terrifying and spectacular thing I have ever experienced in my life.
All along my sister had a theory that Mela would be born on August 3rd because it was the halfway mark between her birthday and my birthday. Never in my life did I actually think that this was possible. Then again she has always been the "lucky" one of the two of us. She's the person who can put a couple of quarters in one of those claw machines at the arcade and pull a stuff animal up on her first turn. So why I ever doubted her prediction of August 3rd is beyond me. (Hey Keh-say, maybe you should consider a career as a baby delivery date bookie? Think about it.)
Mela and her proud Aunt
At 5:40 pm on August 2nd I felt a "pop" in my lower abdomen. As soon as I felt it I knew my water broke (or better I knew that if it WASN'T my water breaking then I had no idea WHAT it was). I stood up and sure enough, it was the water. A huge smile spread across my face because I knew it was time to rock and roll. Baby was on her way. However, in the next minute it dawned on me. Oh. My. God. Before baby comes L-A-B-O-R. "Am I ready for this? Can I do this? I can't do this. I'm not ready for this. Holy crap. Holy crap. Holy crap. Ok, calm down. Just breathe. You have this. Call your sister. Call someone. Get them home. Call the hospital. Ok. Ok. Ok."
Mommy and Mela on the way home from the hopital.
We loaded up the crew, made some important "it's time!" phone calls and headed out. The ride was pretty uneventful. Adrenaline was coursing through my body the entire way there. We reached our destination and got settled into the hospital room. My support network was amazing. (And it's not just me saying that, the nurses loved them too!). Six of us were crammed into a tiny room with only 2 chairs and the hospital bed. It was tight quarters but true to form we spent the whole time laughing and being joyful. The contractions were coming strong and hard but there was so much light in the room overflowing from everyone's spirit that they were completely do'able.
First doctor's appt.
Everything was seemingly going smooth. The midwife said that Mela probably wouldn't be joining us until 11 am on the 3rd so around 2 am my two good friends and father went home to catch some rest before Mela's big debut. Mela's dad and my sister stayed.
The three of us were just relaxing and enjoying the journey until suddenly 5 nurses and the midwife rushed into the room. They started telling me to "turn to the left side, turn to the right", one strapped an oxygen mask on, one was by the monitors taking notes. As soon as everything settled down they explained that Mela's heart rate had dropped. They were trying to move me into a position to get her heart rate back up. They turned off the Pitocin and waited to see if my labor would progress on its own. This was incredibly scary because I had no idea that there had been a problem until the nurses rushed in. Being that out of touch with my body, especially this sacred cargo I was carrying was disconcerting.
I kept praying, begging, hoping for Mela to be ok. I couldn't imagine, just could not imagine coming this far only for something to happen to her. No way. We had gone through so much together, come so far. God couldn't do this! He wouldn't do this. Please, God, don't do this. Bring her to us safely.
Several hours and two heart rate drops later my body was not progressing towards labor and they decided that a c section was needed. Within the hour of this decision I was being wheeled off to the operating room.
I was relieved, disappointed, and TERRIFIED. A part of me was relieved because I honestly didn't know if I had it in me to go through natural labor. When we first arrived at the hospital the midwife checked to see how far dilated I was and my eyes about rolled back in my head. I was 2 cm. Yah, enough said.
Another part of me was disappointed because in a weird way I was looking forward to the birthing experience. It's a woman's right of passage to motherhood and I am slightly sad that I missed out on that.
I was TERRIFIED because I have never had any sort of surgery before, let alone major surgery. Major surgery you are AWAKE during. As soon as they loaded my up onto the operating table the shakes started in. Any part of my body that wasn't totally devoid of feeling thanks to the anesthesia was shaking violently and uncontrollably. No matter what I said, or what I told myself I just couldn't pep talk myself into stillness.
After an eternity I finally heard that beautiful cry. Seeing her was surreal. I had no idea what to expect and when I saw her, in the same moment that I knew she was my baby girl I was also mystified and curious by this miraculous creature.
Mela and I have been home for 3 weeks now. Recovery has been difficult but miraculous in itself. To feel my body go from A to Z and back to A again (well technically I think I'm only at G right now...) is pretty incredible. It really makes me realize how much we are capable of as people. It's pretty astonishing what the human body can do!
Mommyhood feels like nothing I've every felt before. I love being a mom. I love being Mela's mom. She is so beautiful, so wonderful, and has absolutely captured my heart.
I want to share more on the mommy aspect but Mela and I are in the thick of feeding every 2-3 hours. She should be waking up in about an hour and I need to get some shut eye! Sleep when baby sleeps right?
More to come, I promise. She's my hottest topic these days and I'll talk (or type) to anyone willing to listen.
