Seriously considering changing the theme of this mug to a platform for bitching. That's what it is starting to feel like.
I am in a shit mood today, which means I'll probably be swearing a lot in this post. (Tally thus far: III)
What is ailing my peace in particular today? People who set expectations and don't fulfill them. Folks, wouldn't it have been easier just to have kept your mouth shut in the first place than say anything at all?
Sometimes people say they want something but when the pedal reaches the metal it appears they just wanted to collect the idea of the thing they wanted rather than bother with the follow through of actually taking on the responsibility of what that thing requires to attain/maintain.
They say they are all in, 100% committed and then once you get about five steps down the path, they bail. Then you are left with 100+ damn near impossible tasks that you HAVE to complete. Not completing them isn't option because then either a) someone gets hurt and/or b) you look like an ass.
Whatever. It's not worth it. I'm beyond over this.
(On the bright side? I didn't end up swearing nearly as much as I thought I would! Yippee!)
My dear friend Ky Hoelscher has submitted a video to Oprah's website auditioning for a show on her new network OWN. Follow the link, have a look at his vid and vote him through to a TV near you.
Today I took Mela in (of course, she goes wherever I go) to have a 4D ultrasound. It. Was. Awesome. The cherry on top of the whipped cream that was this week.
Nothing particularly out of the ordinary (4D scan aside) took place this week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, all came in the same order, same pace, and pretty much all unfolded about the same. What DID happen was a mental shift that's been a long time in the making. As I've said many a time, positive thinking is hard work. Exercise. You have to flex a set of muscles that most of us are not used to flexing. This week while staring in the mental mirror, I finally spotted some definition.
I've seen the other side of the equation and it is brilliant! So much opportunity, joy, success, and overall excitement lies ahead.
Mela is a huge part of the paradigm shift. This week the miracle of her existence has set in.
Prior to this week I'd been consumed with worry at night. I'd lie in bed with questions swirling around my head: How am I going to do this by myself? How will I provide for her? Will she be happy? Why is this situation so difficult? Why do people act the way they do? Do I even know what I want to be when I grow up? Will her and I be perpetually trying to keep the wolf away from the door? Etc. etc. etc. (Off topic but every time I say or write "etc. etc. etc." I think of this, starts at mark 2:10.)
Finally I found myself pleading with the good Lord above to send some sort of relief. To give me some clarity and/or peace on the situation. I'm not sure what the maximum decibel is for mental pleading but I'm sure I reached it, if not exceeded it.
After that last night of pleading God delivered joy and peace just as sure as He does the morning (I felt a little like this but on a much smaller scale). While the change itself was not sudden, the realization certainly was. The change has been steady. Positivity, prospect, hope, slowly creeping in with every negative thought I've actively fought off. It was until I was re-evaluating my life that I spotted the change. It was the best feeling to finally feel like I had some perspective on things, to finally realize how small some things are in regards to grand scale of life.
You know how sometimes you KNOW things shouldn't be as big of a deal as they are but that information hasn't reached your heart yet? So while you know that it's wrong/futile to be upset it's hard to actually not be? That's what I was struggling with before the peace set in.
When the peace hit I was able to see the sheer brilliance of what lies ahead for Mela and I. We have a lot going for us girls and I can't wait to see her dreams and mine come to fruition.
Now, when I lay in bed at night, instead of worry, I praise on instant repeat. At the highest possible mental decibel level I praise and thank God for this little baby growing inside of me. She is such a little miracle. Seeing the 4D scan only helps further drive those feelings home. She is so beautiful and so blessed to be coming into an environment where I know she is loved. She will be taken care of. While her and I will have bumps in our path, we will never reach a point we can't return from. We've got a great support system in place.
There is a spoken word piece called "Sign Language" (see below) by a poet who goes by the name of Rives. The piece is about his experience working with kids at a def high school. He goes through the various types of poems the kids write and his perspective as someone listening. It is very powerful and beautifully written like all of his other work. While his topic is totally different than my post tonight, the last few lines of his piece reflect the earnesty and sincerity I feel every night for the gift that is Mela.
Original lines: "I was born as def and as quiet as a starfish but if I had been born a man I would pray to the Lord above every night at the top of my fucking lungs just to thank Him for giving me voice."
Personal adaptation: "I've been as selfish and clueless as a teenager for many years but since I've become a mother, each night I pray to the good Lord above as loudly and exuberantly as I possibly can just to thank Him for giving me Mela."
Each night as I fall asleep, I hold her and can't help but count every last lucky star I've ever had because she is on her way.
***
"Sign Language"
***
Paradigm shifts are "the springtime that always seems to show up right after the winter" (a line from another great piece which I have also posted below). The shifts will come and eventually we will tire of them, bury them, and make room for more. It is my wish that whatever and wherever yours may be, that it hops on the good foot and reaches you soon.
If it feels like it's never going to come, just wait a little bit longer, I promise that if you do the work, it has no choice but to arrive. For those whose paradigm shift is still en route I leave you with the piece below. I know that any time I've felt stagnant, lost, confused, hopeless, it helps re-ignite that "life" fire in my soul. Hopefully you feel it too.
In my last post I shared with you instructions on how to make a super cute dry erase board. Today, I'm bringing you my finished product. Over the weekend I tried it myself.
I picked up the frames at a resale shop for $16 (I probably could have found cheaper but I had a specific sort of frame in mind) and some fabric from the sewing shop my sister works at.
The project itself did not take long at all. I repainted one of the frames which is what was the most time consuming but I didn't mind because I like that artsy fartsy stuff. I'm not crazy about the fabric combo with the painted frame but I'm going to let it sink in before deciding to switch it out.
Below check out the finished product. I'd highly recommend this project to anyway. Easy, cheap, and very fun!
Today I visited my sisters place of employment to pick out some fabric for my new (!) kick ass vegas retro style apron (will pose pics when my camera is charged).
When at the store I fell in love with all of the fabrics the store had to offer. There were colors, and patterns, and ribbons galore. It made me wish I were more of a seamstress diva but K's (sister) cornered that market for our family. For every skill I have in the kitchen I lack in front of a sewing machine.
I have no clue what I would make with all of that fabric but I just want to own it and hug it (mine! mine! mine!).
However, where there is a will, there is a way and behold, I have FOUND THE WAY! It meets all of my criteria.
Hello! Welcome to Traveling Narrative. This note is to give you a quick overview of why I started this site and what you can find here.
I started this blog in 2010 a little after I found out I was pregnant with my first child because well, my social calendar all but cleared *cue crickets*. Being that I don't know a ton of moms out there I turned to the blogosphere for a little guidance from all of the experts who have been there and done that.
In addition to this, I KNOW what it is like to be stuck behind a desk with a clock that's stuck at 4:59 pm for 8 hours with a 30 minute lunch. Days get slow and you can only count ceiling tiles for about a week before being declared certifiably insane.
While you are here I hope you will find that you are entertained and informed. You will find links to articles, funny videos, quizzes, online games, DIY projects, and some links to my favorite blogs. Any tips and comments are welcome!
IMHO (in my humble opinion) the truth is always somewhere between here and there. Please feel free to offer your perspective of "here" or "there" and maybe together we can find clarity in this often times opaque world.
Things most people only dare to think, I say them.
Things that will never cross people's minds, I say those too.
Even though I won't change my actions to accommodate this, I worry about what people think of me. (But I'll never admit this outloud).
I'm charming when I mean to be and ugly when I don't mean to be.
I'm a mom (to be) and scared out of my mind. Excited too.
I precariously toe the line between offputting and insanely likable. Terrible and wonderful.
